So, I finished this little book in about a
day.
I paid $2.10 for it. I
got my money’s worth. I guess.
The parenting books I’ve
read lately all have a similar theme. That makes sense when I think about it.
At some point I read a book that was very different from the Christian based
be-God-in-your-house type books and I fell in love with the ideas that were so
different from what I’d always heard, and so I sought out books that there
similar in nature.
The general idea is to
allow your child to make as many decisions himself as you can. Your job as a
parent is one of mentor or coach. You give your opinions, provide support, and
give your guidance. You do all this while avoiding all the roadblocks to communication and building a good
relationship between parent and child. You are trying to mold your child into
an honest to God good person. You want your child to do the right thing when no
one is watching. You want him to do well because he is internally motivated to
do well.
I’ve found it’s extremely
hard to motivate my oldest son. I know I keep trying the same old things and
they are not working. I thought this book sounded like exactly what I needed. New
ideas to try.
I know I like to write
these book reviews. I don’t know if it’s actually so much of a review as a way
to record my thoughts on all these books I read and sort out my thoughts and
feelings on what I’ve learned. And then maybe one day success stories on what
actually worked.
I usually read a few reviews before a buy a new book. One of
the reviews I read for this book bashed it for seeming to promote Daryle
Capuano’s program The Learning Consultants. I admit I was a bit tainted by that
review. He does talk about his business A LOT. I couldn’t help but feeling that
he was holding back information. I got the feeling that if I somehow paid for
an expensive program I would get the whole picture. But in his defense The
Learning Consultants logo is right there on the front cover. I don’t think he’s
hiding his agenda. And his website does offer free advice.
That being said Motivate
Your Son earned a lot of highlighting. There are a lot of little nuggets of viable
sounding ideas, and simple truths. Truth: Our schools are failing our boys.
Lightbulb moment for me: I am the Chief Education Officer for my kids. (Oh,
great! Another title to add to my collection)
He puts boys into
different generic categories. I think my oldest boy is an Adventure Boy- he
doesn’t want to do anything that is boring, or a Boss Boy- he doesn’t want to
do anything he’s told to do. (This was another reason I finished this book so
quickly. I skipped the chapters that were obviously not my boys.)
From what I
gathered, the solution is to motivate boys with a vision of the future they
will actually enjoy. Delayed gratification. It’s hard for everyone, I think.
Some people find it easier to wait than others.
I’m glad I started writing
down my thoughts on all these books I’ve been reading. Immediately after reading
some of these books I get discouraged. “That book didn’t have THE answer.” But
actually having to write out what I learned from the book makes me think. I know
there isn’t actually a ONE answer out there. All kids, all people, are
different. I have to find what will work with our individual family, and my
individual kids. Even the books I’ve read that I immediately felt were a waste
of time have taught me something. Sometimes that means what NOT to do, but it
has all been worth my time.
Another thing this book led me to was the Enneagram test. I had never heard of it before. Here’s a free version if you want to try it:
I wasn’t shocked to find
that I scored “very unhealthy.”
If I’ve learned anything
from all my parenting books it’s
1)
You
have to change yourself if you want to change your kid
2) Unhealthy parents teach unhealthy habits
2) Unhealthy parents teach unhealthy habits
That all sounds like a
post for another time.
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