Starting Line

I started my parenting journey about two years ago. My oldest son had just turned 11 and all hell broke loose. Yeah, I know, I started late. I’m a huge fan of reading and learning and . . . self-help books. The problems I found with learning to be a parent from a book are 1. You get conflicting advice 2. Most of the advice is for younger kids and not for procrastinating parents 3. It’s easy to read something and think it’s a great idea. It’s a lot harder to implement.

My friend Aaron gave me encouraging advice a few years ago. I could feel the storm brewing. I felt the sky go dark and the barometric pressure drop. I had no idea what to expect, and it scared me. “D is changing,” I said. “I don’t know who he is anymore.” “Don’t worry about it.” Aaron said. His kids are older than mine. He was a veteran parent and an expert. “You just need to talk to your kids. Parenting is easy.” I was so comforted. Parenting is easy! Of course! I’ve read enough law of attraction books to know I had always thought of parenthood as this hard thing, this impossible thing. Parenting is easy! I just had to change my thinking and my life would change.

I just talked to Aaron a few weeks ago, and he’s completely changed his mind. My world was destroyed. “You need to lay down the law, make your kids miserable until they submit to your will. You need to get their father involved. You can’t do this.” Ok, so maybe those weren’t his exact words, but that’s how it felt to me.

I was like a washed up actress, drunk and bitter. “I was right! This parenting thing is hard. Just wait,” I’d wag a finger at young moms worn out and complaining about the diaper phase or the toddler phase. Those were the best years of my parenting life! “Just wait, it gets worse. It gets a whole lot worse.” (Sorry about that coffee-shop-lady and BBQ-lady. I was having a rough time.)

I still believe there is truth in what I said to many a young mom. It does change. It is different. This adolescent phase is especially rough for me personally because it’s so emotional. I don’t know how to handle my own emotions. I don’t know how to handle my sons’ emotions. And I certainly don’t know how to teach them emotional control. And so I read. I read and I try to learn something I probably should have learned 20 years ago. It’s so hard, and it seems so ridiculous. Emotions are so dramatic. It could all be so easy. But I press on toward the goal. I know the truth is out there. I know this parenting thing can be easy. I just need to find the secret.