Making Mommy Friends

I have a bad habit of holding grudges. I know this already. Don’t judge me.

When I was a kid my pastor accused my mom of being a prostitute. I haven’t cared for the church since.

When I was a new mom I had a few bad experiences with other more experienced moms. This one lady I considered a friend came to my housewarming party. “It’s really clean. I’m surprised.” 

This other woman on a women’s retreat with the church told me maybe I wouldn’t have stretch marks if I lost my baby weight. I had lost my baby weight. Thanks, lady.

I remember sitting silently at Jason’s Deli with a group of women I had hoped would become bosom buddies. They were all commiserating about how hard it was for them to get pregnant. One of the ladies failed at fertility and adopted a baby from some country in Asia, and was complaining about the whole thing. I felt guilt. I wasn’t even trying to get pregnant. Sucks for me. Sucks for them. I kept my mouth shut.

The parents at my kids’ elementary school were all weird, too. The dad who casually informed me one cold morning that it was a little chilly for his willy immediately comes to mind. 

I just never seemed to find anyone I had something in common with. I had my first son when I was 19. Where were all these teenage moms you hear about all the time? All the moms at my kids’ school were old. And they were all stay at home moms who knit. I was working a graveyard shift and going through a divorce and bankruptcy.

Now that I think about it- maybe all the moms my age where never at any school functions where we could meet and become best friends forever because they were working and divorcing and bankrupting.

Long story short- I’m lonely now. I miss having friends. I’m trying to actively meet new friends. I’ve even joined a few websites to meet other women looking for friendship.

  

Yes. The sites are real.

On the one hand it’s kind of embarrassing and shameful. On the other hand it’s kind of brave and strong and I’m doing something about my loneliness instead of just complaining about it. On the other hand it’s kind of embarrassing and sad.

I’ve been using the internet in many ways to try to make friends. It mostly hasn’t panned out. One thing I’ve found is that a lot of the women looking for friends are “single- by choice” and “no kids- by choice.” Well no wonder you're lonely! Single by choice? I’ve had a boyfriend since I was 15. Yes, I’m one of those girls that can’t stand to be alone. Choosing to be alone makes no sense to me- I can’t relate to that choice. No kids by choice? There’s never an option on these sites for “has kids- not by choice.” I joke, I joke. Kind of. I have kids and I'm confident they would hunt me down if I ever tried to leave. So, I really have no choice.  

It makes me think I’m the only mom in the world who has no friends. Once again I’m starting behind the eight ball. I should have made mommy friends when it was easier to do. There are a ton of play-groups for babies and toddlers who could probably care less who they are playing with. I can only assume it's an excuse for the moms to make friends. I can only assume because I never participated in such things because moms were weird to my young-20-something self. And now there is so such thing as a mom-of-13-year-old play group. 

Making friends as a grown-up is hard enough. It's even harder when it seems like everyone looking for a friend is single by choice and childless by choice. I won't give up the search though. 

Single mom of two adolescent boys seeks mom with similar interests who likes to drink, doesn't actually have time for interests or hobbies or friends but still wants hobbies and interests and friends, and who is a crappy mom. I don't mean like really crappy but maybe like a 7 on a scale of 10. Perfect moms and meth-head moms need not apply.