I started my parenting journey about two years ago. My
oldest son had just turned 11 and all hell broke loose. Yeah, I know, I started
late. I’m a huge fan of reading and learning and . . . self-help books. The
problems I found with learning to be a parent from a book are 1. You get
conflicting advice 2. Most of the advice is for younger kids and not for
procrastinating parents 3. It’s easy to read something and think it’s a great
idea. It’s a lot harder to implement.
My friend Aaron gave me encouraging advice a few years ago.
I could feel the storm brewing. I felt the sky go dark and the barometric pressure
drop. I had no idea what to expect, and it scared me. “D is changing,” I said. “I
don’t know who he is anymore.” “Don’t worry about it.” Aaron said. His kids are
older than mine. He was a veteran parent and an expert. “You just need to talk
to your kids. Parenting is easy.” I was so comforted. Parenting is easy! Of
course! I’ve read enough law of attraction books to know I had always thought
of parenthood as this hard thing, this impossible thing. Parenting is easy! I
just had to change my thinking and my life would change.
I just talked to Aaron a few weeks ago, and he’s completely
changed his mind. My world was destroyed. “You need to lay down the law, make
your kids miserable until they submit to your will. You need to get their
father involved. You can’t do this.” Ok, so maybe those weren’t his exact words, but that’s how it felt to
me.
I was like a washed up actress, drunk and bitter. “I was
right! This parenting thing is hard. Just wait,” I’d wag a finger at young moms
worn out and complaining about the diaper phase or the toddler phase. Those
were the best years of my parenting life! “Just wait, it gets worse. It gets a
whole lot worse.” (Sorry about that coffee-shop-lady and BBQ-lady. I was having
a rough time.)
I still believe there is truth in what I said to many a
young mom. It does change. It is different. This adolescent phase is especially
rough for me personally because it’s so emotional.
I don’t know how to handle my own emotions. I don’t know how to handle my
sons’ emotions. And I certainly don’t know how to teach them emotional control.
And so I read. I read and I try to learn something I probably should have
learned 20 years ago. It’s so hard, and it seems so ridiculous. Emotions are so
dramatic. It could all be so easy. But
I press on toward the goal. I know the truth is out there. I know this
parenting thing can be easy. I just need to find the secret.
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