Have I Raised a Quitter?

I was so excited to be a football mom. I didn't realize how much I wanted it until D quit. I was devastated. I cried. I wept. I mourned. 

I wanted to see him play. I wanted to see him work and improve at the game. I wanted him to improve his grades because he wanted to play on the team. I wanted him to believe in himself and see success. I wanted to see him motivated. I wanted him to see the support of his friends and family. I wanted to be proud of his achievements. I wanted something to brag about. I wanted him to want something I could understand. I wanted him to be a different kid. 

That's a hard thing to admit. I don't want a kid that is into video games and YouTube videos. I want a kid that reads Lord of the Rings and watches Sci-fi movies, one who makes up stories and writes and draws. I want a kid that I can understand. 

Have I raised a quitter?

Another big issue for me with this whole quitting thing was that I did not want him to be a quitter. I took the whole thing very personally.

Having older children changes your whole mindset. When you have a toddler who pushes another kid down on the playground you don’t immediately think “My kid is going to be a criminal when he grows up!” At that point you still have time, and you can look at your toddler and know he simply has a lot of growing up to do. But once your kid is almost as tall as you it’s harder not to catastrophize. You can hear the time bomb ticking. Your time as a parent is running out.

I was watching the ABC show Black-ish on demand the other day. Their younger son, Jack, was playing on a new basketball team and he wasn’t very good. The mom, Bow, and dad, Dre, were talking about how awful he was. Bow wanted her son to quit. Dre was appalled by the idea and argued that he didn’t raise a quitter. Dre’s mom, Ruby, interrupted and said “Well I did, and you’re doing it wrong.” When Dre argues with his mom she states her case in a flashback where Dre stomps into his living room and yells “I quit!” while throwing down a football helmet (** sniff sniff **) and then a tuba and a baseball glove and a bunch of other stuff.

Ruby’s point was this- if she hadn’t let him quit all those things he sucked at, he never would have found something he was good at. This episode was just what I needed to hear at just the time I needed to hear it.

I was so hurt when D quit football. I finally realized that I wanted it more than he did. I told him that one day he would find something he loves, and something he wants to work hard at, and something he doesn’t want to quit. Football was not that something.

I never thought of myself as one of those parents that lives vicariously through their kids. But that’s exactly how I was acting. Just like Dre from Black-ish I wanted my son to stick with it and not quit, even though I quit everything I tried as a kid. I took violin lessons, piano lessons, and guitar lessons. I can’t play any of them. I never wanted to practice. I didn’t want it bad enough to practice. I guess now I wish someone had made me practice and to not quit, because unlike Dre I’m 33 and I still haven’t found the thing I love.

Maybe I should try (and quit) more things.