The Girlfriendcircles site, or the GFC, has a friendship blog that gets delivered to my inbox. I've enjoyed a couple of them. That's enough to keep me as a subscriber . . . for now.
This post How Much Do You Really Want Good Friends is one that caught my attention. I didn't even read the whole thing and it got me thinking. This making friendships thing is hard. Getting to know new people is a lot of work. Active listening and showing interest in things that have never interested me before requires a lot of concentration.
How much am I willing to pay for friendship?
It costs my time. It costs my energy. It costs my comfort.
How much do I really want this?
There have been times where I thought, "This is just too much. I don't want to do all this. This should be easier."
Shasta's blog referenced another blog by Mark Manson called The Most Important Question of Your Life. Again I just skimmed this article (who has time to read a WHOLE blog post? Although as the author of this one I can only hope you read every word of mine.) The main idea is the question is "What pain do you want to sustain?" This extends past the idea of what we're willing to sacrifce for friendship but also for life.
It reminds me of some religious Christian book I read years ago about how as humans we must be a slave to something. You are either a slave to your toothbrush or a slave to cavities. You're a slave to sin or a slave to righteousness. Manson uses the example of wanting to be a rock star but not wanting to do the work. He sums it up by saying:
But the truth is far less interesting than that: I thought I wanted something, but it turns out I didn’t. End of story.I wanted the reward and not the struggle. I wanted the result and not the process. I was in love not with the fight but only the victory. And life doesn’t work that way.
This completely makes sense to me. In the past I've been pretty hard on myself for quitting or failing to do something. I wanted it so bad, but I didn't follow it through to the end. I didn't complete it. It turns out it was only something I thought I wanted, but I didn't. End of story. On to the next thing.
This completely makes sense to me. In the past I've been pretty hard on myself for quitting or failing to do something. I wanted it so bad, but I didn't follow it through to the end. I didn't complete it. It turns out it was only something I thought I wanted, but I didn't. End of story. On to the next thing.
His last quote also reminds me of my grandmother, Anne Braden. She spent her whole life fighting for human rights. I believe she wanted the result- equality for everyone, but she probably realized it wouldn't happen in her lifetime. She wouldn't live to see it but that didn't stop her. She loved the fight. She lived for the struggle.
How much and for how long am I willing to suffer for what I want? It is a question that really makes me think. It makes me whittle down my wants and sift my priorities.
I want my life to be filled with happy, healthy, fulfilling relationships. I think that's more important than what I do for a living or how much I make. I'm willing to pay in time, tears, and training.
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