Yes, Your Teen is Crazy

I really loved this book. I think that’s probably one of the reasons I was so hard on Boys Adrift. I read Boys Adrift immediately after reading Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!. They are very different books, and my expectations may have been a bit high.

Yes, Your Teen is Crazy! had me at hello. I like the title and the tag line- "Loving your kid without losing your mind." How many times have I Googled "how to love your kid" thinking I was the worst mom in the world to even be asking such a thing? Answer: many many times. I relate to author Michael Bradley's flippant style of writing. It eases the tension of discussing difficult subjects. I tend to be sarcastic and flippant myself under stress. So, I could relate.

Bradley is a practicing therapist. I've been in therapy- a lot of therapy. My mom always enjoyed a good therapist, and I guess it’s genetic. I don't know if I've had more or less than the average person. My guess is more.

I’ve encountered two kinds of counselors.

The first kind totally gets me from the start. She knows exactly what's wrong with me, and how to guide me to my own solution. I've only had one that fits that description.

The second kind is the “that’s normal” therapist. I come to these people hoping they can fix whatever is terribly wrong in my life and all they can tell me is “that’s normal.” Well, if it’s so normal then why do I feel so crappy? Does everyone feel as crappy as me? They all look happy enough. I start to think going to this therapist is a waste of time if there’s nothing wrong with me, and I stop going.

In a weird way it kind of works. A lot of my “mental health” problems are due to bad thinking. I tend to catastrophize everything in my life. Having someone tell me it’s normal or just listening and not freaking out about what I think is a disaster is strangely comforting. Although at the time it feels like they’ve wasted my time and money.

In a way, that’s the main idea of this book. Don’t freak out on your teenager. Keep calm in the face of crazy and the crazy will dissipate.

If you haven’t guessed it by now Bradley’s therapy style is the latter. I felt awesomely normal after reading his book, incredibly okay. It was like this book was written for me.

I felt like I wasn’t alone anymore.

My best friends don’t have kids at all. My good friends are older women who beat their children when they were younger. Bradley addresses this change in society’s norms. “We took away a primary parenting tool (hitting) and then told parents to raise their kids in a crazy out-of-control world.” He compares it to telling soldiers overseas to continue keeping the peace, but taking away their guns.

I’ve never been a fan of corporal punishment. I just don’t have it in me. Seeing my brother whipped as a toddler ruined that whole thing for me. It’s true that American society has turned away from spanking children, but left parents unequipped and unskilled as to what to do instead. This book offers the why and the how parenting is different today. He gives practical advice on how to parent today’s teen. I was surprised it was published over ten years ago. Unlike some of the parenting books I’ve read that talk about CD-ROMs and the like, I never felt this book was out of date. And while he repeatedly states that teenagers are crazy, he also points out warning signs of real mental illness, helping parents distinguish between the normal crazy and get-help-immediately crazy.

This is a book I will be coming back to again and again.