Boys Adrift

So, I just finished this book. 

Man am I depressed. 

The whole thing was a big bummer. I had this impression that Dr. Sax would spend the first half of the book explaining "the five factors driving the growing epidemic of unmotivated boys and underachieving young men" to me and then in the second half of the book he would GIVE ME THE SOLUTION! Nope.

He even ends the book with "I'm encouraged. We don't have all the answers. Far from it. But I think we're at least asking the right questions." (218)

Well, I'm glad you're encouraged, Dr. Sax. I want to go eat a pint of ice cream.

My basic takeaways from this book were as follows:

Problem One- the schools

Get your son into an all-boys school if you want them to do well academically. Great idea! I can see the appeal of having my son free from the distraction of girls and being around boys that value all kinds of subjects and not just the “boy” subjects. I like the idea of having more competition in school. My son likes to win, and I’ve never been a fan of participation medals. You’ve convinced me. I’m in! There is a local Jesuit High School near my home that has a boys division and a girls division so the sexes learn separately. But wait- it’s $14,625 a year! How am I going to afford that? At least I’m asking the right question.

Problem Two- Video Games

My son is persistent when he really wants something. He’s worn me down in this arena. Actually I’m not even in the arena any more. I’m in line at the concession stand for more Dippin’ Dots. He slowly wore down my resolve on the “M for Mature” games. “I’m not stupid, Mom. I know it’s not real.” Oh, ok. What’s the harm then? Well the biggest harm according to Dr. Sax is that video games give boys a false sense of accomplishment. He gets to be a millionaire in Grand Theft Auto with no years of going to boring school or getting a boring job. That sounds great to me, too! (That reminds me I need to buy some more lottery tickets. I was SO close last time. Practice makes perfect!)

Okay you’ve convinced me again Dr. Sax. My son should not waste away his days on video games. So, what should I offer as a substitute? Skeet shooting? I remember him saying something about skeet shooting. At least now I’m asking the right question. (And actually no sarcasm on that point. This part really did challenge me to think of alternative- maybe even OUTDOOR activities to offer my son in place of video games. The problem here for me is video games are relatively cheap. Signing up for sports ain’t. Video games also provide him a way to socialize. His friends are all video game kids, too. Getting kids to show up for a pickup game at the neighborhood park is a lot more challenging than inviting them to an X-box party. But I also love a good challenge.)

Problem Three – ADHD Medications

This was another bummer for me because we already tried medication when he started middle school (Mommy mistake number 5,687,693). I’m now 0 for 3 with this book. The ADHD period was awful. I remember him crying and asking me why I thought there was something wrong with him. My perfect baby boy thought I saw him as damaged and something that needed fixing. In the end the medicine stopped working and the doctors said to get him in to counseling. I agree with Dr. Sax on this point- If your son hasn’t shown signs of ADHD by age 7 then it’s not ADHD. It’s something else. What is it exactly? I don’t know, but at least we’re asking the right question.

Problem Four – Endocrine disruptors

This was the most depressing part of this whole book. There are environmental factors at play that are disrupting your son’s sperm count. Don’t let your boys drink out of plastic bottles because it makes them more feminine. I already did! It’s already happened! How much is that going to affect my kids and the rest of their lives? I don’t know, but at least I’m asking the right questions. (FREE PVC! No, wait. X that and reverse it.)

Problem Five – Something about gods. Basically men teach men how to be men.

So, I have two big problems with this. 1- I’m not a man. So, I can’t teach my sons how to be men. I know that. I’ve always known that. It frustrates me to no end for reason number 2- A good man is hard to find. Dr. Sax has spent this whole book talking about how men have quietly vanished from American society and how they have been replaced with boy-men. Somehow though, against all odds I’m supposed to find a good one and entrust my son’s impressionable brain and idea of what it means to be a man to this person. Where are all these real men who take time from their own lives to mentor father-less (or father-lite) boys?

Uhhhhhhhhggggg! SO many questions! SO few answers! Why did Dr. Sax do this to me?! I appreciate the questions. I do. I will be doing a many a Google search to find some answers that will work with my family specifically.

This blog post is a little longer than I usually prefer. But if I can save one person the doom and gloom reading this whole book (seriously, this all you need to know and in less than 1000 words) then my work here is done.